


i'll make this as simple as i possibly can

by spicyboyfriend



Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: Flash Fic, Light Angst, M/M, does this even qualify as angst, it's just a thing i wanted to write, like.... barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicyboyfriend/pseuds/spicyboyfriend
Summary: “Did I wake you up?” Johnny said.Of course that would be his concern, Ten thought, of course it would. Because Johnny was always, always worried about everyone else. Johnny cared so much.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [♪♫♪♫](https://soundcloud.com/aeuria/ill-make-this-as-simple-as-i-possibly-can?in=aeuria/sets/aeuria-its-only-us-ep)
> 
>  
> 
> disclaimer: i have no idea what a debut (schedule) entails and im sure johnny was 100% super supportive and the biggest fan ever when nct u debuted

It started in bursts of silence. Debut was harder than it seemed, and though Ten had spent most of his life preparing for it— dancing, singing, rapping when he could, doing his best and wearing himself down trying to keep up and get better—, he didn’t really care about the response from most anybody else. Forget the fans. Forget his family. Forget even himself, and how he felt about debuting. He wanted to know how his friends felt.

 

And, in specific, Johnny.

 

The others praised, commented on how amazed they were with all of the work they put in, even asked for tips and tricks when it came time for them to debut. Johnny was  _ there _ at least, Ten thought while chewing on the inside of his cheek like he couldn’t speak, couldn’t remember  _ how  _ to speak even when the words came to mind. It bothered him. When it came time to celebrate, he smiled and laughed with the rest of them, but had to pretend he didn’t notice when Johnny suddenly went missing before the end of the night.

  
  
  
  


A week later, the silence remained. Ten focused his attention on the subunit and the attention they received, and he lost track of what Johnny was doing. He didn’t mind it so much when he could busy himself. Dancing took up most of his time, and when they weren’t dancing, they were filming, they were laughing, they were together.

 

At night, it wasn’t so easy. Tonight, the dorms were eerily quiet. Even Hansol’s breathing seemed to melt away into the ambient noise of Seoul’s city streets and the whirring of the fan in their room. Ten wanted to ask if he was still awake.

 

Ten couldn’t stand it anymore. His entire body felt hot. His head pounded. He wanted to sleep, but it wouldn’t come, so he snuck out of bed and crept into the hallway. None of the other’s lights were on— not even Donghyuck’s, who liked to stay awake later than he should have, and left his light on all night because he “wanted to bother Mark” (but was really afraid of the dark)—, so Ten quietly made his way down the hall, into the kitchen, and settled against the counter.

 

His breathing felt shorter than normal. Closing his eyes, he counted the beat of his pulse in his ears.

 

“Ten?”

 

Ten hesitated in opening his eyes. It wasn’t the voice he wanted to hear.

 

Taeyong stood in the hall, just barely peeking over the corner of the kitchen. Ten nodded.

 

“Are you all right?”

 

“I’m okay.” Ten lied.

 

“Do you need medicine?” Taeyong said. “I took the aspirin into my room earlier.” Taeyong carefully padded his steps into the kitchen, set down the pills while they  _ click-clacked _ against the side of the bottle. Ten bowed slightly, but Taeyong didn’t seem to mind the gesture.

 

“Why are you awake?” Ten said. Taeyong shrugged.

 

“Why are  _ you  _ up?”

 

“Headache.”

 

“Somebody woke me up.” Taeyong said.

 

“Somebody?”

 

“Downstairs.”

 

“Practicing? But it’s so late. Who would....”

 

Taeyong knew. Ten knew. He didn’t have to finish the sentence.

  
  
  
  


The door to the practice room was barely open, but light spilled from the crack in the door. As Ten took a long, deep breath in, he willed himself to remember what he had come downstairs for. He hadn’t even bothered to put on shoes.

 

Quiet curses in English came from the practice room as Ten felt his body lock. He knew he shouldn’t have bothered coming downstairs, but his heart fluttered at the sound of  _ his  _ voice, so it couldn’t have been too bad of a decision.

 

The door swung open easier than Ten thought it would. It opened so easily, it slammed into the wall behind it as he froze in place. Johnny looked up from his phone, music still echoing from the weak speakers when their eyes met. There was something in his eyes. Ten didn’t know what it was.

 

“Did I wake you up?” Johnny said.

 

Of course that would be his concern, Ten thought,  _ of course _ it would. Because Johnny may have been difficult, a little more stubborn than he should have been, but he was always,  _ always  _ worried about everyone else. Johnny cared so much.

 

“You woke Taeyong-hyung up.”

 

“Did I wake  _ you _ up?” Johnny repeated.

 

“No.” Ten tapped his left temple. “Headache.”

 

“Stress headache?” Johnny turned his attention to his phone, selecting another song, but pausing it so it didn’t interrupt Ten. Ten furrowed his brows and took a deep breath in. Johnny stood so far away from him, he felt like he was shouting across the sea.

 

“Are you mad at me?” Ten said. Johnny looked up from his phone again, setting it down on a chair and standing straight. “Are you... upset with me?”

 

“No.” Johnny quirked a brow, his voice confused, as if he couldn’t believe what Ten was asking.  _ Ten  _ couldn’t believe what he was asking. “Should I be mad about something?”

 

_ Debut, the debut, ever since then you haven’t spoken to me, and I— _

 

“Are you angry about our debut?” Ten folded his fingers in front of him. Johnny tensed.

 

“Why would I be angry about that?”

 

“It’s just....” Ten trailed off. He didn’t know why Johnny would be mad about that. He wouldn’t. “You haven’t talked to me since....”

 

Ten found himself crossing the room slowly, as if walking across a minefield just to make his way to Johnny. When he finally did walk across the last stretch of wood floor, he let out a breath and looked up at his friend.

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Johnny said.

 

“I want to know if I made you angry somehow.” Ten knitted his brows together in frustration, biting down on his bottom lip as Johnny shifted uneasily in his spot. He didn’t like seeing Ten this way. He looked scared.

 

“You didn’t. I just....”

 

There was more.

 

“You’re busy a lot now.” Johnny said, Ten giving him a look between confused and surprised. Johnny stifled a laugh. “That came out wrong. What I mean is that since debut, you’ve been busy, and I didn’t want to bother.”

 

“You’re not a bother.” Ten said almost instantaneously.

 

“Tell me what I did to make you think I’m upset. I’ll apologize.”

 

“You haven’t spoken to me since the debut. I can’t help but think it had something to do with us suddenly not speaking. Tell me I’m wrong.”

 

Johnny didn’t say anything.

 

“I wanted you to debut with us.” Ten continued. Johnny’s shoulders rose. That was it. “Do you hate me?”

 

“Whoa, Ten,” Johnny raised his hands in front of him. “I don’t hate you. Don’t jump to conclusions like that. Look, I’m not upset with you. I couldn’t ever hate you.”

 

Ten looked down to his feet, pursing his lips and searching for an answer to all of his questions in the texture of the wood floor. Johnny had shoes on.

 

“Seeing you debut... it reminded me of everything I’ve worked for.” Johnny spoke sheepishly, his voice quiet in the back of his chest, as if he was afraid of anybody else hearing him. There was nobody there except Ten. “Eight years of work is a lot. I think after the five year mark, I was restless. I didn’t want to wait any longer than I already had.”

 

Johnny shifted.

 

“Maybe I lost my motivation. I didn’t think of debut the way I used to. It didn’t make me happy anymore.” The lilt, cadence, pitch, his voice  _ changed _ , and Johnny’s fingers were suddenly on Ten’s chin, lifting his gaze from the ground. “Seeing you debut reminded me of everything.” Johnny placed his free hand on his chest, just above his heart, fingers clenching around the material of his black shirt. Ten could trace every fold of his clothes when they were this close. “I felt overwhelming pride when I saw you. I want to be better. I want my time to be worth it.” Johnny’s expression faltered. “Though I think I wouldn’t mind never debuting if it meant you could perform a thousand times more.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“You really are talented.” Johnny said. Ten let out a noise of... shock? Awe? He couldn’t quite put a name to it. It was just a noise. And then he pulled Johnny into his arms, crushed him in a hug while knocking Johnny’s breath from his lungs.

 

“Don’t do that to me again!” Ten huffed through a few stray tears.

 

“I didn’t mean to.” Johnny strained, then took a long breath when Ten released his hold on him.

 

When they pulled away, Johnny had an unspoken apologetic expression on his face. Ten pinched Johnny’s cheek, making the taller smile and swat his hand away before he pinched hard enough to leave a mark. Johnny wiped one of the tears on Ten’s face.

 

“When we watched you all perform after debut,” Johnny laughed nervously between thoughts, “I couldn’t believe the person you were on stage. I was so proud of you.”

 

And this was  _ so  _ much more than what Ten expected, because Johnny was emotionally constipated  _ all  _ the time, and talking about what he felt was like pulling teeth.

 

“I think I’ll always be proud of you.”

  
  
  
  


They walked upstairs together. Johnny pointed out the fact that Ten wasn’t wearing shoes. Ten jumped on his back and Johnny walked the rest of the way with Ten on his back. Taeyong wasn’t in the kitchen. Ten didn’t need the aspirin anymore. Johnny set Ten down and stretched his arms over his head with a sleepy expression on his face. He mumbled  _ good night _ and started down the hall, but was stopped by Ten’s hand on his wrist.

 

“Let’s sleep out here.” Ten nodded towards the couches.

 

“You hate the couch.”

 

They laid down anyways. Johnny tangled his legs with Ten’s. Johnny took Ten’s hand and rested it on his chest, the same spot from earlier.

 

“I’m proud.” Johnny said.

 

Ten could feel it.

**Author's Note:**

> let's be honest i have no idea what an idol's schedule entails i know like nothing about idol life but it was a nice try
> 
> very lightly edited so let me know if there are mistakes or typos or something
> 
> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/iIyssssm) or [tumblr](http://ilyssssm.tumblr.com/)!!! ♥♥


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